I'am tired and hate myself
I hate myself
for being hopeless
ungrateful
I envy my older sister
she found her passion
she has talent
she is doing fine
she is going to be an awesome architect
what about me?
I still don't know what is my passion
I don't have talent
I'am slow as snail
my work is not tidy
even I always try to make it look nice
maybe this is what people said growing up process
but
it is hard for me
sometimes I think of suicide
yup I say it again suicide
but I'am glad to be born as Muslim
In Islam suicide is "HARAM" illegal
TIME
Is not the same as my childhood life
even if I'm not working hard
I always get a good grade
And always be among clever kid
but now
even if I put all my hard work
the result is still disappointing me
I'm losing hope
I hate myself
I'am trying so hard
but my memory is weak
it is hard for me to recall what I had learned
formula?
damn those formula
since matriculation I try to overcome this problem
but it is getting worst
I cried a lot
writing makes me feel better
If I have problem
I never complain to anyone
I only complain on this blog and my diary
coz I know
no one care to
read
I wonder if my parents know what I feel?
what would they do?
I think it is not gonna change anything
I really wanna give up on my course
but
I can't quit my degree
coz I don't know where to go after that
engineering is hard for me
I wish I can survive until graduation with good grade
Insha Allah
